its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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