I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
