These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
