did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
