In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
