Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
