I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
