What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
