Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
