the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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