there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
