The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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