id be glad to
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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