I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
