I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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