you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You're like the curious george of whores
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
