theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
