So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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