I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
