im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
