In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
