walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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