Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
