You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
