walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
