I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
