pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
