Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
whose ass print is on the piano?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
