The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
