ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
