She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Welp...herpes.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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