captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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