you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
