last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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