also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
