Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
