I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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