Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
