When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My butt remains clenched, sir.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
