I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
