His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
