my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
