The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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