Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
