i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
