Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
