Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
