Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
