I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
