I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
