Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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