i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
